No Way, Get Out of Town

I can not believe that it is already the first week of December. I haven't really been updating this, simply because I have been so busy. That and I was in a huge funk for a while. Shocking I know. Now I am still super busy trying to get everything done before school is out next week. I'm sorry, I'll repeat that. School is out next week. I know, it is insane. It seems just yesterday that it was the beginning of the semester full of bright hopes and dreams. And now it's the end of the semester, and many of my hopes and dreams have been ripped down, some of them have been torn into tiny pieces, and others have just been stomped on. I'm still single, extremely broke, and still academically unstable. I have a ton of stuff I still have to do before Thursday, including figuring out how to pay my rent without going into the red. That will be the toughest part, simply because I don't work again until Friday. Rent is due Thursday at the latest. I'm very very very nervous. Damn tuition. It couldn't start being due NEXT month? I just feel as though everything is going to go very badly for me in the next few days, at least finacially, and academically. I hate the economy, and my shopping habits. I have to stop, for good. In other news, congratulations to my darling Stefanie Clark and her husband on their news! I am so excited that soon there will be a little Clark crawling around :-). Congratulations guys!

No change yet

So I'm to find out today whether I have been invited to a phone interview or not. I have been checking the website since 7:00 this morning, and I have yet to see a change in status. In my heart of hearts, this tells me that I did not get it. But there is still a part of me that says "SHUT UP! You don't know we didn't get it. You're just preparing yourself for the worst because you're used to being shafted. But you keep those hopes high! We could still get an interview. And when we get on the phone, we'll blow them away!" This is the optomistic part of me, who believes that everyone has some good in them and that Santa (the person not the idea) still exists and that nothing bad could really ever permanently affect me. She usually is out for everyone to see most of the time, but sometimes, the pragmatic, practical comes out in full force. They're really battling it out in me, and I really just want to know. What do you think the non-change in status yet means?


Edit: Found out. Didn't get it. Moving on.

I love Tuesdays......NOT

So I turned in my TFA application on Thursday, after a minor freakout in which I realized why I don't take chances. I'm afraid of losing. Which is kinda sad to think about because I always thought that I was the kind of girl to take chances without worrying. But apparently I am not. SO i freaked out, scared my mother, and then submitted my application. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to find out if I am invited to have a phone interview, which will take place this weekend, and then I'll find out in two weeks if I get a real interview. Scared much? Yeah I am!

So Much, Too Much!

There is so much CRAP going on this week. First off, my Teach for America application is due on Friday. But really I'm not that worried about it anymore because I got all my written stuff donw. It just needs to be edited and I'm in business. So cross your fingers for that! Then I have the second part of my unit due tomorrow. At least I think it's due tomorrow, Steve keeps putting stuff up on Blackboard and not explaining it. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE school? Cause I hate it. With a fiery passion. Then I have to figure out how to get three shifts covered this month and FIVE shifts covered during the Christmas holidays. Because my stupid fin' manager won't let me take a leave of absence like I always have. I hate asking people to do things for me. It's annoying and it puts other people at disadvantages. I would much rather be taken off the freakin schedule like I have been the last two years. But WHATEVER! I'm supposed to be working on my assessment right now before I go to a meeting and then work, but I can't for the life of me find what all I am supposed to have! So now I have to wing it, and I HATE DOING THAT! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

What a WEEK!

So, apologies for not updating for a while. I've been crazy busy for the last week. It all started last Friday. We went out for mine and Steph's birthday, and it was crazy fun! We started at the Rio for drinks, and Zack surprised me! It was awesome! I haven't seen him in forever! and he just appeared with Austin! It was great! Then we went to Six Lounge and then to Fado's and then Jackie and I met up with her boyfriend Drew and went to Red Eye Fly to see my friend Mark's show. And my friend John, who I haven't seen in like YEARS was there!! I was sooooooooo excited. Did I mention that I had a sore throat all day? Because I did and then I yelled and I lost my voice. And it's still not back. So Saturday and Sunday were weird because I didn't have a voice. But on Sunday, we surprised Steph with a birthday brunch. She had no idea and it was soooo much fun! THEN on Monday, the day of days, I turned 23. Because we celebrated on Friday, all I did on Monday was go to dinner at the Rio. We had dinner, and they sang to me! It was so much fun! It was just a great day. Tuesday was Steph's birthday, so we had pizza and watched movies. It was good fun. And then yeah the rest of the week went by so fast, and then yesterday was Halloween! I dressed up as a wealthy gentleman, and me and Jackie and Drew went to a bunch of different parties. They were all pretty lame, but we still had fun. and our costumes were AWESOME!! Jackie was a bee and Drew was a male stripper. It was great. But now, I'm tired and we still have the rest of the weekend to get through. AND it's the Tech/Texas game. AND my Teach for America application is due next Friday. I'm scared about it, and I don't know if I am gonna be able to do it. SIGH. hope everything's good with everybody else!

Something strange is happening in Oz

Oct. 14th
So for the past three or four nights, I have been having extremely weird, creepy, bad dreams. Not bad as in wake up screaming bad, but bad as in something bad is always happening to someone in the dreams. The first night, I had a dream that my grandmother was in the hospital. The second night I had a dream that a bunch of people and I were on vaca somewhere tropical and a strange guy was beating the crap out of everyone in our condo with a baseball bat. The third night we were at the restaurant and a new kid stole my apron and my friend Austin got shot by our kitchen manager with a screw. The fourth night, my friend Catilin got sick off of soda, and my roommate's boyfriend told me I needed to read more serious books. Now looking back on these dreams, I realizethat I was really really really stressed for some weird reason.

Today Oct. 21st, 12:34 AM
I haven't had a bad dream in about a week, which is good because they seriously were starting to creep me out. But I have had a crazy two weeks, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any saner. I rode around in pastures in a rhino at 2 o'clock in the morning this weekend, went to bed at 5 and got up at 7 to drive back into Austin to go to work all day. My friend Eric, who works at the rio with me, asked me to lunch, and I had to turn him down, but now we're going this friday to lunch. I can't decide if I actually like him like him or if we're just friends. Sometimes I think it might be more, but other times I just kinda feel like he's that friend all girls have where it's flirty but it means nothing. I think that's what it is, and I think that he's just looking for someone to keep him on the right track. From what I can tell (because he keeps telling me even though I don't really want to know) he's not had a very good past. I don't know. I think that this is how the whole thing with dumb ol' Lindsay started. but I'm not sure, and I'm not looking to jump into one of those so quickly. Besides, I'm pretty sure E has a thing for our gorgeous sweet hostess. Which doesn't surprise me, but still. We'll see how Friday goes.

I talked to a couple of old friends of mine today. One because she seemed like she was going through a hard time and needed someone to chat with about it, and the other because he just needed an opening to rag me about the end of baseball season. Why is that things don't work out the way they should? Why are cogs always thrown in the wheels? I'm not a big fan of the whole messing up of people's lives. If they're meant to be together, why can't the world just let them be together? Why do they have to cut out the middle of people's lives and only give them beginnings and endings? I don't know why this post has taken such a turn. Perhaps I should go to sleep and get rid of this never-ending amount of allergies. Damn them all to hell.

Somethin' New

exciting, and not really different is going on in my life. I'm happy. Which is funny, because a week or two ago, I didn't think I was going to be happy again for a long time. But I am. I'm happy, and I'm content, for the most part. There are a few things I wish I could change, but isn't that just always the way of it? Things are going ok, not perfectly, but ok. School is super busy and annoying. Work is tiring me out, but I love the people. And I'm in Lubbock right now, visiting people. Mainly George, my precious little sister, but my aunt and uncle and cousins too. Went to the Tech game today. Third football game I have ever been to, and I have to say, the most of a nailbiter. Well done, Raiders, well done. Not so well done to my Sox. Mainly Josh Beckett. The poor guy's been havin a tough time lately, especially tonight. Sigh he is my favorite, but I don't know how much longer he's gonna be around, considering the way he was pitching tonight. I mean seriously. 8 runs in 4 1/2 innings? That's a bit much, don't you think? I should go to sleep, because I am exhausted, and we have Mass at 8 tomorrow morning. Fuuuuuun stuff ain't it? I'm excited. Oh and my birthday is in 16 days. Just a BTW :-D. I love October.

Dear You

*This entry will be written in the form of a letter, to a man who will never get it, and will never know.


I am sad. And I think you knew I was sad when you hugged me today. We were friends from the very start. I remember the first time we met. I thought "That guy is so awesome. We're gonna get along great." and we did. We laughed, we shared, we hung out. I thought there was a little something more there, maybe at Christmas. But then we didn't see each other for a long time. Months in fact. And then when I came back, it was like we were never apart. And then you moved on. We kept in touch, seeing each other once in a blue moon, mainly by my making. But everytime we hung out, no matter how mad I had been at you before, I couldn't be mad at you. I loved you. I love you. And I tried so hard not to like you. I knew it was a bad idea, and I KNEW that I would end up being hurt. Which I am. Of course. When they told me you were moving away, I didn't believe it. I wouldn't, couldn't believe it. It was simply because you were out of town. Everything would be back to normal when you came back. But then you came back, and you told me yourself. So I accepted it. But I still thought maybe something would happen the last time we hung out, when we said goodbye, something would be there. And then you dropped the bomb last night. Not only are you leaving, but you are engaged. To be married. To a girl you've known less than a month. When you hugged me tonight, I knew it was the last time we would see each other. I couldn't let go. I didn't want to let go. But I knew I needed to, because I could feel the tears coming, and I knew you (and everyone else) wouldn't know why I was crying, and I didn't want to be that girl. I let go. I will miss you more than you will ever know. I left without saying anything to you, after that, simply because I knew I couldn't stand there and watch you watch me. So here are the things I wanted to say to you, but couldn't. I love you. I will miss you. Have a safe trip, and be happy. And thank you. You have touched my life in more ways than one. Thank you for being my friend.
Love always, me.

Bad things

Bad things happen when I hang out with alcohol and boys I like. You find out things, like how TRULY stupid you are for liking this person.

Best Night in a WHILE

Last night was the thing I have been looking foreward to for about a month now. That's right. It was the Thriving Ivory show, and it was freaking AMAZING!!! It was just an awesome night all around, except for a little drama that happened at the end of the night, but it was fun for the majority. First, Lindsay (my friend from the Rio) and I met at said Rio to start the night with mini margs before heading down to La Zona Rosa. When we got there, there was seriously a line down the block and around the corner, made up of mostly fifteen year old girls and their parents. Not gonna lie, I felt so old. So we made it in at about 7:30, and got drinks, and scouted out a good spot on the floor. If you have never been to La Zona Rosa, it's basically this dive bar with a huge stage and standing room only. That's right, there are no chairs, no stools, no nothin. But it was fun. So Steph, Lauren and Lauren's boyfriend Steven show up about 8, right before the first band came on. They were called I Hate Kate, and they were really good. It was alot of alternative rock, but not like emo rock if that makes sense. Let's just say I could see myself jamming out in my car to them. And the lead singer looked like a mix between Jude Law and Chris Martin, but he was from Cali. A good mix if I say so myself. Then this band called Cory Lamb came on. They were ok, a little harder rock and a little more something, I don't know what it was but it kinda reminded us of a boy band. Then Thriving Ivory came on. OH MY GAWD they were awesome. They started with Runaway, which is one of my favorite songs, and then followed it by Twilight (another of my favorites) and then For Heaven's Sake, which has been my MOST favorite song for a while now. It was an amazing set and they sounded sooooooooooo good! and it was nice to see a huge crowd listening to them. Last time they were here, they played at 1 am, and there were maybe twenty, thirty people there, most of them who already knew them and/or worked there. ANYWAYS. after they played, (too short of a time, if I had to say so), we waited thirty minutes for Secondhand Serande to set up and come on. They were ok. I wasn't really a fan. But yeah. We only stayed for a couple of their songs because we had to meet people at the Rio before it closed. So we were walking out, and I see this guy in this white shirt talking to this guy in a green shirt. I thought, huh that kinda looks like Bret, but I'm not sure. As we got closer I realized it WAS Bret, and I was like Linds, I'm sorry I gotta talk to him. So I went up, touched his arm, and was like, you guys were awesome. He was like oh thanks! and went in for a hug, and I was like, do you remember me? From the Rio? At Southby? And he was like OH MY GAWD! yeah I do!! I talked to you for like five hours! You were working and I was just sitting there yapping! I laughed and said it's ok, you kept me entertained. SO then we got a picture, and I was like, sorry, we have to go! we're meeting some people. And he said, well what are you doing tonight? And I said we were going to go play shuffleboard, and he was like oh I love shuffleboard! I'm pretty good. I laughed and said that I never played so I didn't know if I was good or not. But if he wanted to, he could come meet up with us later, and that we would be at Buffalo Billiards. He said that the bands were all going down to sixth street, so he might see us there. So we hugged like three more times and then Lindsay and I left. We got to the Rio, and a napkin was hurled at me as we walked onto the patio. It was my friend Matthew, who I hadn't seen since he had gotten fired from the rio about a month ago, so that was exciting. So we had drinks, went to Buffalo Billiards, played shuffleboard, left, went to blind pig, had gross, expensive shots, and left. Then we went to Kerbey Lane for breakfast(this was like 3 in the morning). We didn't see the bands again, but it's ok, because it was a GREAT night regardless!!!! Sorry for the lack of quotation marks, I'm in a rush. Gotta go to work!

Slowest Week EVER

I don't know what it is, but I feel like this week has been the slowest week ever. I thought (for the life of me) that yesterday was Thursday instead of Tuesday. But unfortunately it wasn't. I think it's because next weekend is going to be so fun and boy-filled, that the next two weeks are going to go super slow. That and I realized that I'm super broke and therefore things are going to be a little tight until I get paid again. Which luckily is very soon, but still. I mean I have to get groceries, because frankly I have no milk or eggs, and that cuts down ALOT on meal choices. And I haven't had Starbucks in over a week. I'm going through withdrawals. I miss Starbucks. I had Seattle's Best last night, but it was not very good. Sad to say, Starbucks makes the BEST chai tea lattes. Seriously. And now I really want one. And a slice of pumpkin loaf. that would be delicious. I miss Starbucks. I miss not having money. And I lost my starbucks card. Which REALLY makes me sad. I just want things to go faster. So yeah. That's my life at this moment in time. Interesting isn't it.

Busy Busy Busy!

So I've slacked very badly on blogging, which I am sorry for. But I have a legit reason. School started a week ago, so I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get back into the swing of things. Which I think I have done pretty well, which makes me happy, since this semester has to be freaking awesome to help make up for the last couple which have sucked. I am taking 12 hours of class, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which isn't bad. I'm actually pretty lucky because I've taken two out of my four classes before, so my teachers are cool about it. On Tuesdays, I don't have class until 2, which gives me the whole morning to do whatever else I need to do, whether it's finish up homework, or do one of my three internships, or sleep in. Whatever. And yes, I did say three internships :-). I like to be busy, what can I say. Thursdays, I have to be at the middle school where my secondary curriculum class is taking place at 8, but I'm done by 10:30, so I still have time to come home, change out of my good clothes and study some with Lauren before class. And I have time to eat lunch at home, so I don't have to constantly buy my lunch. Good things all around. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I'm working at school in the Alumni and Parent Programs office as a student worker from one to four on Mondays (because I go straight to the Rio after, I have to be there at 4:30), and one to five on Wendesdays. So it'll be good stuff I think. Fridays, I work at the Rio in the mornings and then I have the afternoons to do what I want. Saturdays I work at night at the Rio and Sundays (the holiest of all freakin days) I have no work at all. I am super thrilled that my schedule stayed exactly the same at the Rio. It makes life so much better.
So that's what I have been up to for the last couple of weeks. I'm also in the process of applying for Teach for America and ACE, which reminds me I need to look into taking my GRE. I am not just working all the time though. There has been time for fun. There was a Labor day party last Sunday which was super fun, and then there was a Frat themed party I went to on Friday. It was great fun. Pics up on Facebook :-). I'm also going to SA this weekend for Ally's birthday/move in. I miss that girl terribly. Then the next week, on the 19th, Thriving Ivory comes back to Austin, and I am so super excited about their show, it's not even funny!!!! It's gonna be a great couple of weeks. I just hope I can make my money stretch that long :-)

For Once in My Life

You know that song, For Once in My Life? It's been sung by hundreds of people, but the one I'm thinking of is sung by Michael Buble. It's a song about being safe and secure in what happens next, and about finding the one person who makes you feel that way. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel that way yet, but for once in my college life, I am ready for school to start. I'm not looking forward to it, and I'd much rather be doing the summer thing the rest of my life, but I am ready for it. There are no surprises around the corner, I'm registered for all my classes and have gotten emails from my professors for all but one of them, the new Rio schedule is out and it's exactly the same as it has been, at least for me which is super nice, and super convenient, and I'm ready. I'm ready to kick this year's ASS. I'm not scared like I have been, I'm not worried about balancing everything, and I'm not worried about having buttface Barbara for two out of my four classes. She may not like me, but I don't like her even more. However, I am DETERMINED to rock the hell out of her classes, to prove to her that I CAN do the inane shit she wants me to do, even though it is all busy work and completly pointless to a real teaching situation. And I'm going to make it up to Steve, who has been awesome, and did not deserve my laziness in his class. I'm ready for this. Everything is falling into place and I am going to succeed beyond my wildest dreams this year. And when I do, in January before school starts again, I'm getting me a new tattoo :-).

WAHOO!

After two years, and many more accomplishments, I am pleased to announced ( yeah because pleased states EXACTLY how I feel about this, NOT!) that my favorite band in the whole world is coming back to the greatest state in the whole world. That's right, Thriving Ivory is coming back to Texas. And not only are they coming back to Texas, but they are coming to AUSTIN!!! And Houston actually, one after another. Here friday Sept. 19, there saturday Sept. 20. I see a mini road trip in my future :-). Is it bad to drive two and a half hours just to see a band who I haven't seen in two years? I don't think so! Who knows when they'll be here like this again?! I don't, but I am so unbelivably excited about this new development that it is NOT even funny!!!!!!

Worried, again

I had the worst night's sleep last night. Actually, that's not entirely true. Once I fell asleep, I slept like a baby, finding it very difficult to wake up this morning. But I had the hardest time actually falling asleep. At 9....thirtish, I was tired enough to try and go to sleep, so I got in my Pjs and got into bed, turning on the TV to have a little something to fall asleep to. Of course, yesterday was Doris Day's day on TCM's summer of the stars, and Young at Heart was on. Not the best pick me up movie, since Frankie baby is in it as a depressed guy who always thinks he has the short end of the stick, even when he ends up with the girl. But it ends happy, so I like it. So I watched that, and worked on my cross stitch, two things that usually make me sleepy. But when the movie was over about 11 or so, I was not tired. So I put in Pillow Talk and settled in to fall asleep. The TV turned itself off ( thank GOD for the Sleep mode), and I turned over to sleep. However my mind had other thoughts. It began to freak out about the fact that my GPA, even with an A in my summer class, is still not a 3.0, so techniqually I'm not allowed to be in the EDUC or READ classes. But these are the only classes I have left, AND the only reason my GPA is where it is is because of that one class I failed miserably. And yes, I mean FAILED with a big fat F. And how am I supposed to replace that grade if I can't retake the class because my GPA isn't up to snuff. I absolutely HAVE to graduate this year, and I don't see how I can if I can't take these classes now. I think I need to talk to Dr. Jenlink and press my case before I get one of those dream crushing emails. When will this stupid worrying go away? I couldn't even flirt properly with the cute Starbucks guy this morning. And he was really really cute. with gorgeous eyes. Kind of like Cappie in Greek, if you've ever seen that show on ABC family. But yeah. I just wish everything would fall back into place the way I need it to, that way I could chill out about everything and finally get a proper night's sleep.

I believe the correct word is IRRITATED

I should have updated this yesterday, when I was in a good mood and nothing was really going wrong. But no, I decided that updating my blog could wait until I got all the little things done at work that needed to get done. However, now I have woken up on the wrong side of the bed and everything that is happening (for the most part) today is getting under my skin. For example: I woke up this morning at 7:30. I ignored my alarm because I knew it would go off again at 8. Instead of sleeping soundly for thirty more minutes, I tossed and turned, not able to drift back to a sleep that was satisfying. So when Jason finally started singing at 8 (BTW my alarm is Jason Mraz :-) ), I was already cranky. Then I remembered I was supposed to look at movie times to see if Lil Lauren and I could make it to a 3:00 movie after my pro-trainer meeting (which will be no fun and kind of a waste of time). But OF COURSE all the movies start at 2 or 4, which is too early or too late. So then I turned on my TV, thinking that a little VH1 Jump Start or CMT video jam would make me feel better. But there were no good songs playing, AT ALL. I was very frusterated and by that time I just didn't want to do anything. And my room is a COMPLETE mess because I've been out of town for the past two weekends, and I haven't had time to clean it. On top of that, it's sunny outside. The weather is supposed to be rainy and dark. Is it too much to ask to get a little of the rain promised to us? IS IT?! RAWR!

Starving

I am so hungry. I didn't have time for breakfast this morning because well, I was supposed to leave Houston at 6:30 so I could get to work by 9. However, I didn't wake up until 6:50, so it was throw on the clothes and hit the road. No time! But this weekend was worth it. I left on Wednesday after work to drive to Houston, and we went to Molina's for dinner with Nana. Then on Thursday, we celebrated Christmas in July because Tim is going to Belgium for the semester and he won't be here for his birthday/Christmas, he'll be in Rome. I know, sad day for him right? Anyways. So we did that, and then on Friday, we hung out and Mandy, Tim, Alli and Tony went to see Dark Knight. I had already seen it (as described in my previous post) so I joined Mom and Annie to see Mamma Mia. It was so good! I can't wait to see it again. Then Trina and Nana came over and we had Chinese food, and I met up with a couple of friends for drinks. Saturday, Mom, Dad, Tony and I flew to Colorado for my cousin Caroline's wedding reception. She and her husband had gotten married in Mexico, but had a big reception for everybody who couldn't make it down there on Saturday. It was in the orignal Rio in downtown Fort Collins, which is about an hour outside of Denver, where CSU is. It was so much fun, eating, drinking, dancing, and just generally having a swell time with my cousins. The rest of the weekend was spent chilling at various relatives houses, cooking, chatting, riding bikes, we went to see Dark Knight again, and just generally had a ball. So now I'm back and looking foreward to the next surprise, I mean adventure :-).

PS So this weekend I read the Twilight series. If you have never heard of these books, I HIGHLY recommend them. They're about vampires, which I was never a fan of, but these books are seriously amazing. The author, Stephanie Meyer, has this amazing ability to hold your attention even when you don't want to pay attention. The fourth book is coming out this weekend, and the first movie is coming out in Novemeber. So if you're looking for a good read, go for these. But you don't have to take MY word for it :-D.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Twilight-Saga-Collection/Stephenie-Meyer/e/9780316031844/?itm=3

OH MY GOD

So I just got home from seeing Dark Knight. And all I have to say is OH MY GOD. It was such a good movie. It scared the crap out of me, which is why I am posting this at 1:30 in the morning rather than sleeping. I need to get this picture I have of the joker out of my head before I go to sleep. They did such a fabulous job of making it as dark and crazy without being completely gory and disgusting. Props to the director and the late Heath Ledger for doing a magnificent job on this movie. I'm amazed at the magnitude of his acting ability. I was sad when he died, but now I see that he was an amazing actor, who was kinda shafted before his time. But seriously man. It didn't even look like the Heath that I know and love. It was freaking scary. But Christain was his fabulously sexy self. Man that man is amazingly sexy. He could just stand there and smile and I'd buy it. So all in all I'd say two thumbs way way up for the Dark Knight. I don't know if I'll see it again, especially in the theaters, but it is a must see!!!

Non -Motivating

I seem to be updating this thing less and less as the summer goes on. Truthfully, it's because nothing exciting is happening in my life. I do the same things over and over again. Wake up, go to work, come home, relax, watch tv, then go to school or to work again depending on the day. And on the one day I have nothing to do, Wednesdays (who says hump day is a bad day?), I sit around and get nothing done. I should have been super productive yesterday afternoon. I could have worked on my presentation that I have tonight, or cross stitched or painted or read some of my book, or done the other five questions due next week. Instead, I put on my pajamas and laid in bed all day, watching movies and tv. Talk about unproductive. I feel like I need to be inspired, though I don't really know why. The thought of graduating in May (FINALLY) should be inspiration enough. But I have found something out about myself in my 22 years (almost 23) years of life. I'm not usually inspired by myself. I tend to get stuff done faster if someone else needs it or wants it. Which is why I'm such a good worker at the office. It's not about me there, it's about everybody else. Same thing at the Rio. But at school, it's all about me. And I dunno, but I don't think that's inspiring enough to motivate me. Though it should be. Maybe I should work on me being a motivation rather than everyone else. It would make my mother happy, which is always a good thing. I would rather her be happy than disappointed in me. I just wish I had a little more time to do the things I want to do, like visiting my friends and family.

This is What Summer SHOULD be About

This weekend epitamized what I believe summer should be about. It was the fourth of July this weekend, and it was a fabulous weekend. It all started on Thursday when I got off of work at 11:30 (because I spent from 9 til then playing on facebook, seriously there was nothing to do :-D). Then I went to the Fishermen's last show until Cameron come back or they find a new bass player. I only got to talk to Linds for a second, to tell him hi, 'cause I drove to Lago Vista right afterwards. I spent the actual Fourth with my friends Allison and Dan and her family. We went to the Lago Vista Fourth parade and then went out on her uncle's boat all day. And even though I religiously put on sunscreen, I managed to get burned. How that happened, I have no idea, but it's fading into a pretty nice tan, so yeah. Then we had burgers and watched the fireworks. We tried to have our own little firework show, but the cops came. Who knew there was a burn ban? Or that fireworks were illegal in the city limits? Not me! but they were really nice about it :-).
Saturday I woke up, hung out for a bit and then went to meet my familia at the Rio for lunch. I love my family. They're so fun and there are so many of us. I walked in and told Kim I needed a table for 17 and she almost fainted :-). That was really fun, getting to see everybody and just chillax. I had to work Saturday night, which was really slow, but my cousins Tracy and James met me at the Rio when I got off, and we went to the Dog and Duck Pub for a couple of drinks and some much needed chatting. It was awesome, and I can't wait to get together with everybody in a couple of weeks for my cousin Caroline's reception in Colorado!
Sunday was probably the most random day of all. James had spent the night at my apartment, so he got up to meet people at Whole Foods for lunch, and I went to Mass, then James swung by and picked me up and we went to Tracy's apartment to get her and our cousin Daniel met us there, and we went to Galveston! James wanted to go fishing with Grandpa on Monday morning, so we drove down there and got there right in time for crabs, which excited me cause I haven't had them in FOREVER. So we had crabs, watched the sunset on the bay, ate chicken gumbo, and hung out. James and Grandpa went fishing at the crack of dawn on Monday, then we left the beachouse around 8 to come back here. Needless to say, it was a fabulously fun weekend, with the perfect mixture of fun and work. Now it's back to the grindstone for two weeks! BTW 7 members of the Red Sox club made it to the All Star game. How about THEM apples?

Looking back, It could be worse

So this past weekend, I went to Houston to see my family and watch the Red Sox play the Astros. My mom had gotten tickets for us for Saturday night, and then Amber got tickets for Sunday. I was really lucky to be able to go see my two favorite teams twice. However, that weekend started what I like to call the downhill slide. It usually hits the Sox around the end of July, beginning of August. Things just stop clicking and we begin to raise losing to an art form. Yes I know the Astros have done that more than once this year, but not this weekend. Saturday was a great game. It was a real battle, people getting behind and then coming back and all sorts of goodness. I wasn't that worried about losing that game, since it was a real battle and the 'Stros deserved to win. They fought hard. However, on Sunday, it was like we decided that we didn't really want to play baseball. We wanted to play crapball. I love my Sox, really I do. But when you let a ball get by you not once but twice, because you didn't dive (*cough*Dustin*cough*), that's a little bit of a problem. Joshua pitched well, which was awesome, but Bryan Mohler pitched really well too. Either that or we retired our bats a little early. I also realized that opposing fans are kinda rude. Why can't they just let everyone enjoy the game in their own way? Why do they have to make despariging comments and just be rude? What's the point of ruining other people's good times? I just don't see the point. So since they left Houston, the Sox have gone to Tampa Bay, where we rolled over and died for the Rays, who are now ahead of us by 3.5 games. And do we get to go home to Fenway, where we actually can play the game? Nooooooooooooooo. We get to go to the Bronx to play the Yanks during the 4th of July weekend. *Sigh* I sometimes hate this game.
On another topic, I get to see a bunch of people I never see this weekend. I'm going to see Allison and Dan tonight/tomorrow at the lakehouse for the 4th. Then on saturday I'm going to MY lakehouse to see Jamesie, and Mah might come into the Rio Saturday night! I think it's gonna be a great weekend, and a happy fourth! I just wish we would get out of our slump please?!

Energy Draining, Power Fading

I am so unbelievably tired right now. I don't think that I have been this tired in a very very long time. I spent all weekend at the rio. If I wasn't at the rio, I was getting ready to go to the rio or helping out with rio stuff, or thinking about what I needed to do for the rio. And don't get me wrong. I love my job, and I love the people I work with. However, I am very tired, and I just want to stay away for a little bit. Maybe branch out and go to Jo's and listen to the band, and just chill. We had Urban Assualt on Sunday. This is a huge Austinized bike race, that happens every year, and what happens is the participants have to ride around to different stops and complete different activities. Once they finish the activity, they receive a bead and move on to the next stop. They end up at RunTex, where there is food and beer and water and drinks and a band and all sorts of fun stuff. As you might have guessed, we provided the food and we also helped bartend. That's what I did. New Belgium, which is a Ft. Collions brewing company, was giving away free beer, and we were slingin 'em. It was awesome fun, but very hard work and very tiring. We worked from about 10-2 and it was hot. We were in the shade all day, but it was still super hot. So yeah. It was alot of fun and I'd definitely do it again next year, but now I am tired. School starts on Thursday. I'm so thrilled. and then on Friday I am going to Houston after work to see the BoSox play the 'Stros. TWICE. I am super excited. I just hope I have a little more energy by then!

New York New York, It's Good to be Home

I went to New York City this week. That sounds so jet-setter and fabulous. It wasn't quite fabulous, but it was alot of fun. My family and I went up there Sunday morning, and spent two days doing family stuff. We went to the UN, a Yankees game (YECH!), Little Italy, Mass at St. Patrick's, Central Park, the Museum of Natural Science, and a Mets' game. It was an awesome two days. One of my dad's business associates was able to hook us up with the most awesome hotel I have ever stayed in in my entire life, excluding the Four Seasons in Dublin. We stayed at the New York Marriot Marquis. This hotel is the biggest hotel in the entire city. It has 2000 rooms, and is right in the middle of Times Square. It even has its own Broadway theater! It was amazing. One of the coolest things was the elevator. You put in what floor you wanted to go to and it told you what elevator to go to. It was so cool. The trip itself was alot of fun. However, spending time with my family was a little strange. I dunno, I love my family and I love hanging out with them. But the way that I feel like they treat me, or the way that they do things with me is that I can't be the person I have become around them. They don't see me the way everyone else sees me. and it makes life really difficult. It makes me feel like they force me into a hole that they see me in. And I hate it. I'm not that person anymore. I'm growing and changing and becoming a whole different person. They just don't see that. I mean damn, I have my own crazy life that I'm living and staying in tune with the person they want me to be is not really in my line of sight. I don't want to be that closed in, one dimesional, flat person who likes the same things that everybody else likes. I am not that person anymore. I am not like any of my siblings at all. I have a tattoo, I drink like fish, I smoke every once in a while, I work in a restuarant, I take risks that maybe I shouldn't take, but that's me! And I wish my family would see and respect that.

5 things under $5 that I cannot live without:
1. Chapstick
2. Soap and Glory Bubble Bath
3. Bread
4. Milk
5. Glade Candles
5 ALL TIME Favorite Movies:
1. Elizabethtown
2. High Society
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Hook
5. Newsies
5 baby names I love
1.Tucker
2. Emma
3. Micah
4. Molly
5. Lorilei
5 people who have influenced me in a positive way:
1. My mom and dad
2. Nana
3. George
4. Katy
5. Steph
5 things that are always in my purse:
1. Wallet
2. Mint Chapstick
3. Trident
4. A pen
5. checkbook
5 Moments that have changed my life
1. Graduating high school
2. Going to St. Ed's
3. Working at the Rio
4. Working at the library
5. Getting my new car
5 obsessions I have right now:
1. Myspace
2. My Mp3 player
3. Movies
4. Cheez Dillas
5. blogging
5 places I would like to go
1. Boston
2. Paris
3. London
4. Cali
5. Ireland
5 Celebrities I hate to admit I keep up with:
1. Britany Spears
2. Jolie/Pitt Fam
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. David Beckham
5. John Mayer
5 Most exciting things about this summer:
1. NYC
2. Red Sox game!
3. Urban Assault
4. The 4th
5. Colorado in July
5 Goals I am currently working on:
1. Losing weight
2. Training the dog
3. Not dying
4. Staying stressfree
5. Not spending money
5 People that come up most often in my Normal Conversation:
1. My mom
2. Lindsay
3. Alanna
4. Aurora
5. Lauren

Wowsers

It has been an interesting week, full of friends, disappointments, joys, sadness, sickness, health, relaxation and stress. To say the least it has been a week of contradictions. Sunday I was at the lake, doing something I haven't done in years and years. That's right, I actually watched the entire Indy 500. It was interesting and pretty fun. Monday I went to lunch and wine tasting with Z. and then I went to work, which was ok. Not super fun but ok. The new roomie and the puppy moved in on Monday as well. Which threw another weirdness into the mix. And then Tuesday I went to work and then came home. The puppy and I hung out all day. I watched movies and she took random naps on the floor under the table. It's her favorite spot. Then Lauren and I went running. Wednesday I went to work and then I was going to surprise L at his gig. However when I showed up at Jo's, no one was there. Which was a little disappointing, but for the most part it was cool because I found a great new place to just kind of relax and people watch, as well as read my book. Then I went to RA's last night. That was really fun, but really sad at the same time. He's been our GM for ever. And now he's going to Boulder. Sad days. Then today I went to work, came home and went swimming with Mary. So much fun. Then I went to work, which was so so so so so so so so ssssssssssllllllllllllooooooooooooowwwwwwwww. And Pat was there, and I FORGOT TO RING IN HIS FOOD. I was sooooo embarressed!!!!!!!! I never do that! And I did it to OUR OWNER! ugh. It was bad. Actually, it was ok, just bad for me. So yeah. But yes. It's been strange and interesting and it's not over yet. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes.

On Ignoring and Being Ignored

Those of you who know me know that the one way to unbelievably unconditionally piss me off is to ignore me. It's annoying as hell and really really rude. Which is why, when under instructions, explict instructions, mind you, to ignore a certain person I find it very difficult, even though I have been subject to the same treatement by him. And it really really really really really drives me absolutely INSANE. which might be why I have such a hard time A) getting him out of my head, and B) ignoring him. However, something else I have discovered is in order to ignore a person, he or she has to be trying to get a hold of you. Otherwise its just you not getting in touch with someone else. So if you want to be technical, I'm not trying to get in touch with him. Not ignoring him. Either way, it's annoying and very difficult. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

On the other hand, everything else seems to going pretty good. I'm balancing both of my jobs, which is amazing, and I'm actually managing to have fun doing it, which is even more amazing. We'll see how I start handling things when summer school starts. Guess what else is happening! I'm going to New York in a couple weeks, AND when my darling, precious Red Sox come to Houston to play the Astros, I WILL BE THERE ON SATURDAY NIGHT TO WATCH THEM!!! I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so super excited about it!! Like when my mom told me we had tickets, my voice hit different octaves! So yeah June will be a GREAT month.

First Week of Real Summer Has

so far sucked. I have had really no fun in the last week. Since I got home on Sunday, I have been working like a mad woman. And I'm not even sure I have anything to show for it. I'm tired, and cranky, and I can't sleep. I don't have to work today, but I still have nothing to do. I was thinking about getting my hair cut, but I'm not sure if it's long enough to change it again. I do know it's freaking thick enough. I don't know. I just want something fun to happen, and someone to show up to do it with. I think that's part of my problem. I have no one to do anything with. which makes life a little boring. And other people won't answer anything I say to them, which is ANNOYING AS HELL. UGH

Change of Scenery, Same Old Luck

No matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter my position or personality, I am still stuck with the luck of the damned. Life just never seems to go exactly the way I want, or need it to. Part of it is my fault, but part is just dumb stupid lack of luck. Which is kind of the same as L.'s lack of communication but mine is not my fault. Perhaps it is watching/listening to Michael Buble, who embodies my idea of a perfect man that makes me so downhearted, since he is in his thirties and has a steady girlfriend in the beautiful Emily Blunt. Men are not made like that anymore, and if they are, they disappear from view when I come around. Or they decide that I am not who they are looking for. I'm too tall, too big, too loud, not loud enough, too boyish, too shy, too saracstic, too nice, not nice enough, I can't dance well enough, not smart enough, too smart, etc. I know I know I know. My time will come, there will be a man sometime who looks at me and sees all the good things that I am and take them with the bad. I know all of this. And I appreciate all the compliments and the love I receive from all of my girlfriends, female and male. However, while that is greatly appreciated, and I am thankful for all of you, sometimes that just doesn't cut it. I want a heterosexual SOBER male to be interested and say things like you're great and wonderful and take me in his arms and hold me. I want him to be interested in ME as a person, as the crazy, shyish, loudish, sarcastic, book loving, movie watching, red sox obessesive, procrastinating, lazy ass me that everybody else knows and loves. I don't want him to be interested in my friendship, or my body, or anything like that. Why is this so hard for me to find? Why is it so hard for him to find me? I AM RIGHT HERE!!!!!!! TAKE A CHANCE!!! THERE'S MORE TO ME THAN WHAT MEETS THE EYE!!!!

Almost Home

For the last week I have been in Lubbock, shadowing elementary librarians and spending time with my familia. It was alot of fun, and I love libraries more than I did before I went. It is truly what I want to d with my life, whether it is in an elementary school, a middle school, a high school or a public library. It is just so much being in charge of the books. You can arrange them the way you want, put them in the perfect order, the way YOU want them, and even choose the books that go in your library. And for those who know me, you know I love my things in a certain order, especially my books and my movies, which is the basis of a library. I can see it now, hundreds of books on all different subjects and different authors, each in there correct spot. Colourful rugs on the floors, fun decorations on the walls, a rocking chair and a spot for kids to sit and read. SIGH do I have to finish school before I have my own library?

Now I'm in Houston, after driving yesterday from Lubbock to Dallas for Annie's 25th birthday. She's so old! It was simpler for everyone (except Darcy) if I came back here with my family. Then it's back home tomorrow for the real start of the summer. I'm going to be the summer student worker at the office, and working three days a week at the rio. Once the second session starts, I'll also be going to class two nights a week. I looooove my life! But we get a puppy for the summer! And i now have wednesday nights off so I can go see L. play. We'll see how this goes.

Out Like A Light

Last night was the last, very last, day of school. Finals and all. And most of my lame friends wanted to stay in and not do anything. Very lame. Some of them had excuses, but most were just lazy. So Mary and I went and spent about ten minutes standing in Midnight Rodeo, holding/sipping our drinks and watching the people dance, enjoying the good music. Then I saw someone I knew. I've only met him once, and he was rather drunk, but I don't forget a face. Brandon, my friend Karla's boyfriend, was spinning some girl who was not Karla on the dance floor. I was kinda shocked because he didn't seem like that kind of a guy.

Two seconds later, I look, and Karla and her friend Jessica are walking right towards us. So we stopped, said hi, and joined their party. It turned a kind of boring slow night into a lot of fun. I danced, even though I'm not very good, I tried to flirt, which apparently I'm not good at either, and I tried to forget that L was ignoring me. That was very hard though. The thing about country music is that when you're already kinda down, unless you rock out to it, the sad songs GETCHA. It's part of the reason I love it, but part of the reason I hate it. But I digress. It was alot of fun, we all said we would have to do it again soon, and I have been reaffrimed in the fact that I am (and I quote) "The Shit", according to Matt and Brandon.

Now I am off to L-bock for a week, the land of real country, real cowboys, and real fun. I'm looking foreward to some Aaron Watson tomorrow night, some quality time with the Georgester, and the Lloyds, and all my friends who are up there, and maybe spending too much money on a pair of boots. We'll see how it goes. See you soon!

Happy days are here again

So today/night was three things. A) The last mandatory class that I EVER have to take with Rosemary Rubino, B) one of the most stressful days I've had in a while, and C) the 2nd anniversary of my beloved Rio. So after doing my presentation, taking my test, and turning in the service learning project I completely bullshited in 24 hours, my darling roommate and i met our other darling roommate and a bunch of her friends at my Rio for drinks, food, and fun. I convinced L to come, even though he was scared it was going to be weird, since he left on less than amicable terms. But he came, and looked hot, and we flirted. It was good. the margs were good, the guac was good, the company was good. I wish I had stayed. But if I had, how would the girls have gotten home? One has classes tomorrow still and the other was exhausted. It would have been very selfish to stay there when they are both exhausted. So we came home. The selfish part of me, which is at the moment soaked in tequila, is screaming at me that I should have stayed. But this is good that I am home and in bed before 12. Especially since I have to get up tomorrow morning and be charming at work so I make good tips. Then I work Sat. night, and then Mon. night and then I'm off until I get back from Lubbock. Which is when L and I will FINALLY hang out! He said something about a party or something, but I dunno. We'll see. So this day went from complete shite to actually a pretty decent day. Yay!

Over Waiting

In the last 24 hours I have been more pissed off than I have my entire college career. And over a STUPID omni show which should NOT piss me off! But I'm just done. I felt it tonight, I felt it last night, I'm so over omni. I'm over dealing with the stupid freshmen who think they're all that because they know every song everyone is singing, I'm over listening to people who can not sing pretend that they can, I am over being looked down upon by all the people my own age because I am not a theater major, and I am over people not learning their shit and getting everything together to make a kick ass show that I know this show has the potential to be. AND I am over waiting for things to happen in my life. I'm done waiting for guys to notice me and be there for me. I'm just DONE with this year. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life. And I think everyone in my life is ready to move on too. You know what I say? Fuck 'em. Fuck all those people who make you mad and feel shitty and less about yourself. We are better people than that. And this is why I am completely and totally done.

Movies and Music

I've been watching my movies alphbetically. Yes that makes me a nerd, but it also gives me an insight into my own life and my taste in everything. Part of it also gives me courage to make me a better person and to take chances with things that I wouldn't usually do. It's like the movies and the music in the movies get into my soul and make me feel alive. I'm watching August Rush right now, and this movie is just amazingly touching. The music in it fills me and touches different parts of me everytime. Music has always done this to me, ever since I was a little girl. I get goosebumps, and tears come to my eyes. It's like the music lights me up and makes me become who I truly am meant to be. This is why I always feel amazing during Mass, especially the gloria. All that wonderous sound, making a glorious noise in praise of Him. Every time you sing, you praise Him or It or Her or whatever you believe in. This is why I need to go to L's concert on Friday. I need to hear his praise, his celebration, his song. It is one of the things that can bring people closest together. You can hear a song and it is more intimate than any one physical act can make you. Music touches your soul and that is more than your body. I want him to touch my soul. I need to hear him.

Peer Pressure

Lately, I have been feeling alot of pressure from people. Do this, do that. Wait this long, do it now. I understand that I have really no experience in this whole dating thing, but I am also a big fan of being comfortable when dating. For both parties involved. Don't relationships require a little give and take? Because right now, all I'm doing is giving. I feel no taking in this relationship that I am trying to start here. Why do I feel all the pressure and he is probably sitting around doing absolutely NOTHING, feeling no pressure from me whatsoever. I'm sure he is feeling pressure from everything else in his life, but not from me. So therefore, why should HE make an effort to react to what I'm feeling? It bothers me that I understand all this about him, yet I continue to feel pressure. I'm trying to let it go, and do what my sister told me to, let go and let God. I'm doing what I can, and we'll see how it goes. I did invite him to go out with us tomorrow night, and we'll see what he says back. Maybe I'll just say screw it and move on. Because that is what happens with me all the time.

And the point is.........

So I went to the dentist last week to see what they had to say, and lo and behold, I need a root canal. Now, any other self respecting courgaeous person would have called the endodontist that very next day. However, because I am a big wuss, and because I really really REALLY don't want to get a root canal, here it is almost a week later and I still haven't called them. I really need to get on that. I guess I'll call them today...............UGH.

In other news, I looked very cute yesterday when I went to the Rio after Phonathon for the trainers' meeting. L was supposed to be working, but he was first off, so when I got there, he was already gone. Later I found out he hadn't been there at all. I really hope they don't fire him. How am I supposed to win him over with my charm if I never see him? That is the question of the day. The other question is how to get through the rest of the week without losing my mind or my time. It seems like everybody wants to do so much this week, and really, I don't really have alot of time. It's a busy week and it's only getting busier. Hopefully everything will work out, he won't get fired, and we'll see him on Thursday when we go for drinks.

What a Day

So the meeting went really good. We're switching up the Rio a little bit, making it more fancy to cater to the downtown crowd. So it'll be fun. I got to see L, who I have discovered a newfound liking for. He's so cute and sweet. I can't wait to work with him again. He makes me smile, and he's got a great smile too. It kinda makes me melt mmmmm.

In other news, I have to go to the dentist today. My mouth has been hurting for a while now, and though I'm taking an antibiotic for my sinus infection, it's still a smart idea to go get my mouth all checked out. I just wish it wasn't so FREAKING expensive to go the the dentist. UGH. But hopefully it'll be alright and life will be better and my stupid mouth will stop hurting FOREVER!!! Lovely.

So Close

Things just seem to be getting worse. At least in the love department. In every other department, I am good to go. School is working out, my dean told me I am going to be a brilliant teacher, I start work at the rio again soon, and Phonathon is still rocking. However, in the love department, things continue to SUCK. I told z's sister I am in love with him. She is over the moon about it, and she's going to talk to her mother about how to get him to drop his current and pick me instead. Though I'm not positive how that is going to happen when I've been in his line of sight for about four years, and I have been overlooked, not once but twice. It's a great feeling. So we'll see how the weekend goes. And I found out good news. She's not allowed at the lakehouse. His gramps won't let her. Something about her being a bitch. :-), well that and she's his current. Which could end up being a problem..............

We're having an all employee meeting at the rio, and that means I get to see all my friends. Which is very exciting. I haven't seen all of them since Christmastime! The last time I saw Lindsay and Nick, I was dressed to the nines, and drunk as a skunk. I would love to replace that image with one of me not wasted, and in normal clothes. So yes, it should be interesting. And it definitely should be interesting since I'm going to the other lakehouse after the meeting, and then driving friend home early the next morning. I love my life.

Searching for a Happy Ending

Is it impossible for a girl to find a happy ending in this life? You think it's there and then all of a sudden it's completely gone. No I am not talking about myself. Or anyone really in particular. I just think it's interesting that everyone is searching for their own version of a happy ending. Some think that it has to do with money, some think it has to do with love. I think it has to do with being true to yourself. If you're being your true self, you should be a very happy person. You should be able to accept everyone as themselves and expect them to accept you as yourself. But it doesn't happen. When someone is their true self, the general population is judging, cynical, rude, and stereotypical. Most of the time the person who is being their true self ends up sad, hurt, and thinking they should change into someone who society will accept as "normal". Any person who calls themself "normal" is sadly illusioned by what our society deems as normal. Truthfully, it is normal for people to be weird. And if we all could understand that and accept that in ourselves and others, maybe then we could all have our happy endings.

South By Southwest

Holy fing shit. South by southwest is kicking my ass! This is the second night in a row I have been drunk, and it's really not ok. My relatively calm life is not handling the change well. My liver is going, "Wait a second, I'm supposed to have a lot longer to recuporate than this!" And it's not helpful that the only band haley wants to see is Uh Huh Her, a lesbian band. It's times like these that I really wish that TI had made it to SXSW this year. Then at least I could have heard some music I know and like and seen Bret again. But I didn't, and they didn't, and now I'm stuck being drunk at 12:30 on a friday night, about to go to bed. Everything is not going as badly as this post is making it out to be. I'm just cranky and drunk and missing testostrone so much it kills me. Why did they have to miss it this year? I really really really wanted them to come back. And the guys in the band (Clayton, the singer) lies to me all the time. He commented back on my wall and said they would be back here soon, but they're lying. They're never coming back to Texas, which would make me really really sad, because I like them alot! Sigh. It's the same with like Jamie Cullum. When is he coming back? Probably when TI comes back, because that was apparently the year for bands I like to come to town. I'm going to sleep. Please make the world stop spinning when I get back.

Day Trips

So I went to Houston yesterday for the day. My mom wanted to get me an Easter outfit. So I went to Houston and went shopping with Mom and Nana. I got a beautiful light brown suit and a silk yellow shirt, plus a cute plaid three quarter length sleeve shirt. We then went to Willie's for lunch and then we went to go see Penelope. I have a new favorite person, that's right, James McAvoy. Talk about a sexy man. I am going to have to see him in every movie he plays in, just for that sexy smile. And the movie itself wasn't that bad either. It was a cute fairy tale movie. I liked it. I will make my friends see it as well.

Now I am back in Austin, doing laundry and waiting for Haley to get here. I was supposed to go out to the lakehouse today, but Halo isn't gonna get here until around 4 so that's a bust. We'll probably go tomorrow. So far, spring break had been very fun and very fast. Hopefully it will slow down a little bit.

Good Music From a Random Bar

Sitting in my sister's downtown loft in Fort Worth, I hear many sounds. My computer humming, cars driving by on the street below, an occasional siren, and one other thing that is very faint. Legitamently good music from the bar down the street. I can hear the beat so well that I could dance to it if I hadn't just come home from eating four different appetizers at Bennigin's. That's nice to be able to hear music from downtown when eight stories up. I'm not sure how nice I'll think it is when I try to go to sleep in a bit. But I think I can handle it. It's not like you can tell a whole bar full of people to shut up, you're trying to sleep. Well you could, but I don't think it would work very well for you.

Rog. texted me tonight to let me know that he would be in town this week for Spring Break, and we should "hang out". Though I know what his "hang out" consists of, and I'm not looking for a feel me up feel me down sort of an outing. Not when there are hundreds of adorable actors and musicians hitting Austin this week. Mine won't be there, unfortunately. But that leaves my options wide open. If I don't meet anyone special, I'll at least get to be exposed to some new hopefully good music. And I see at least one if not two lakehouses in my very near future. So this is shaping up to be a very good Spring Break.

Pissed as Hell

Why is that people can't have enough balls to stick a job out? We've already lost three Phonathon callers, all freshmen. One because she had family problems, and two because it "just wasn't their thing". We have only been calling for a week. How the HELL do you know if it's not your thing? I know it's a little tough at first. But really, it's calling people and talking to them. How hard is that? Yes you do have to ask them for money, but the money goes towards really good important things, like scholarships, which one of our quitters is ON! HELLO?! where do you think that money comes from? A money tree we keep in the basement? Give me a flipping break. If you can't face talking to strangers, how are you EVER going to get a real job, or even expand your horizens? You're not. You're going to sit there on your little freshman hiny and suck your thumb and wait for mommy and daddy to come pick you up and pay for all your expenses. I hate freshmen. They really kind of piss me off. We weren't that babyish were we? God I hope not. It's still very fresh, this anger inside of me. And my officemates are not here to make me unmad. So I will fester until I feel the need to explode, or until it fades.

Creative Difficulties

I now realize why I never talk to people who I have gotten over. There was a boy, let's call him T, who was my very first love, way way back in seventh grade. He broke my heart, without the benefit of a relationship, and now every once in a while he pops back into my line of view. This time, he appeared in my subconcious. He and another old, old friend made appearances in my dream Monday morning. I couldn't get him out of my head, and so I Facebooked him. Typed in his name, and there he was, staring moodily out of his picture at me. All the good feelings I ever felt for him rushed back in that second, and on a whim, I added him as my friend. Like a weirdo, I have been checking for the last two days to see if he had accepted my friendship. However, as of ten minutes ago, two and a half days since I added him, he had not accepted. Now this could simply be because he never gets on Facebook. He could have one because he wanted to get in touch with an old friend, or a girl, or simply because everyone else did it. That is what the logical person would think. However, in my feminite, illogical brain, the only reason he could not have added me yet is that he does not want to be friends. Which causes me pain, because we were very very close once upon a time. And the fact that by not doing anything he can still cause me pain infuriates me. I have people who I talk to every day who cause me pain. I don't need a figure from the past coming in and joining him. Damn subconcious. I didn't want my first post to be such a downer, but that's what's on the brain at the moment. And it's keeping me from writing my paragraph.