So Close

Things just seem to be getting worse. At least in the love department. In every other department, I am good to go. School is working out, my dean told me I am going to be a brilliant teacher, I start work at the rio again soon, and Phonathon is still rocking. However, in the love department, things continue to SUCK. I told z's sister I am in love with him. She is over the moon about it, and she's going to talk to her mother about how to get him to drop his current and pick me instead. Though I'm not positive how that is going to happen when I've been in his line of sight for about four years, and I have been overlooked, not once but twice. It's a great feeling. So we'll see how the weekend goes. And I found out good news. She's not allowed at the lakehouse. His gramps won't let her. Something about her being a bitch. :-), well that and she's his current. Which could end up being a problem..............

We're having an all employee meeting at the rio, and that means I get to see all my friends. Which is very exciting. I haven't seen all of them since Christmastime! The last time I saw Lindsay and Nick, I was dressed to the nines, and drunk as a skunk. I would love to replace that image with one of me not wasted, and in normal clothes. So yes, it should be interesting. And it definitely should be interesting since I'm going to the other lakehouse after the meeting, and then driving friend home early the next morning. I love my life.

Searching for a Happy Ending

Is it impossible for a girl to find a happy ending in this life? You think it's there and then all of a sudden it's completely gone. No I am not talking about myself. Or anyone really in particular. I just think it's interesting that everyone is searching for their own version of a happy ending. Some think that it has to do with money, some think it has to do with love. I think it has to do with being true to yourself. If you're being your true self, you should be a very happy person. You should be able to accept everyone as themselves and expect them to accept you as yourself. But it doesn't happen. When someone is their true self, the general population is judging, cynical, rude, and stereotypical. Most of the time the person who is being their true self ends up sad, hurt, and thinking they should change into someone who society will accept as "normal". Any person who calls themself "normal" is sadly illusioned by what our society deems as normal. Truthfully, it is normal for people to be weird. And if we all could understand that and accept that in ourselves and others, maybe then we could all have our happy endings.

South By Southwest

Holy fing shit. South by southwest is kicking my ass! This is the second night in a row I have been drunk, and it's really not ok. My relatively calm life is not handling the change well. My liver is going, "Wait a second, I'm supposed to have a lot longer to recuporate than this!" And it's not helpful that the only band haley wants to see is Uh Huh Her, a lesbian band. It's times like these that I really wish that TI had made it to SXSW this year. Then at least I could have heard some music I know and like and seen Bret again. But I didn't, and they didn't, and now I'm stuck being drunk at 12:30 on a friday night, about to go to bed. Everything is not going as badly as this post is making it out to be. I'm just cranky and drunk and missing testostrone so much it kills me. Why did they have to miss it this year? I really really really wanted them to come back. And the guys in the band (Clayton, the singer) lies to me all the time. He commented back on my wall and said they would be back here soon, but they're lying. They're never coming back to Texas, which would make me really really sad, because I like them alot! Sigh. It's the same with like Jamie Cullum. When is he coming back? Probably when TI comes back, because that was apparently the year for bands I like to come to town. I'm going to sleep. Please make the world stop spinning when I get back.

Day Trips

So I went to Houston yesterday for the day. My mom wanted to get me an Easter outfit. So I went to Houston and went shopping with Mom and Nana. I got a beautiful light brown suit and a silk yellow shirt, plus a cute plaid three quarter length sleeve shirt. We then went to Willie's for lunch and then we went to go see Penelope. I have a new favorite person, that's right, James McAvoy. Talk about a sexy man. I am going to have to see him in every movie he plays in, just for that sexy smile. And the movie itself wasn't that bad either. It was a cute fairy tale movie. I liked it. I will make my friends see it as well.

Now I am back in Austin, doing laundry and waiting for Haley to get here. I was supposed to go out to the lakehouse today, but Halo isn't gonna get here until around 4 so that's a bust. We'll probably go tomorrow. So far, spring break had been very fun and very fast. Hopefully it will slow down a little bit.

Good Music From a Random Bar

Sitting in my sister's downtown loft in Fort Worth, I hear many sounds. My computer humming, cars driving by on the street below, an occasional siren, and one other thing that is very faint. Legitamently good music from the bar down the street. I can hear the beat so well that I could dance to it if I hadn't just come home from eating four different appetizers at Bennigin's. That's nice to be able to hear music from downtown when eight stories up. I'm not sure how nice I'll think it is when I try to go to sleep in a bit. But I think I can handle it. It's not like you can tell a whole bar full of people to shut up, you're trying to sleep. Well you could, but I don't think it would work very well for you.

Rog. texted me tonight to let me know that he would be in town this week for Spring Break, and we should "hang out". Though I know what his "hang out" consists of, and I'm not looking for a feel me up feel me down sort of an outing. Not when there are hundreds of adorable actors and musicians hitting Austin this week. Mine won't be there, unfortunately. But that leaves my options wide open. If I don't meet anyone special, I'll at least get to be exposed to some new hopefully good music. And I see at least one if not two lakehouses in my very near future. So this is shaping up to be a very good Spring Break.

Pissed as Hell

Why is that people can't have enough balls to stick a job out? We've already lost three Phonathon callers, all freshmen. One because she had family problems, and two because it "just wasn't their thing". We have only been calling for a week. How the HELL do you know if it's not your thing? I know it's a little tough at first. But really, it's calling people and talking to them. How hard is that? Yes you do have to ask them for money, but the money goes towards really good important things, like scholarships, which one of our quitters is ON! HELLO?! where do you think that money comes from? A money tree we keep in the basement? Give me a flipping break. If you can't face talking to strangers, how are you EVER going to get a real job, or even expand your horizens? You're not. You're going to sit there on your little freshman hiny and suck your thumb and wait for mommy and daddy to come pick you up and pay for all your expenses. I hate freshmen. They really kind of piss me off. We weren't that babyish were we? God I hope not. It's still very fresh, this anger inside of me. And my officemates are not here to make me unmad. So I will fester until I feel the need to explode, or until it fades.

Creative Difficulties

I now realize why I never talk to people who I have gotten over. There was a boy, let's call him T, who was my very first love, way way back in seventh grade. He broke my heart, without the benefit of a relationship, and now every once in a while he pops back into my line of view. This time, he appeared in my subconcious. He and another old, old friend made appearances in my dream Monday morning. I couldn't get him out of my head, and so I Facebooked him. Typed in his name, and there he was, staring moodily out of his picture at me. All the good feelings I ever felt for him rushed back in that second, and on a whim, I added him as my friend. Like a weirdo, I have been checking for the last two days to see if he had accepted my friendship. However, as of ten minutes ago, two and a half days since I added him, he had not accepted. Now this could simply be because he never gets on Facebook. He could have one because he wanted to get in touch with an old friend, or a girl, or simply because everyone else did it. That is what the logical person would think. However, in my feminite, illogical brain, the only reason he could not have added me yet is that he does not want to be friends. Which causes me pain, because we were very very close once upon a time. And the fact that by not doing anything he can still cause me pain infuriates me. I have people who I talk to every day who cause me pain. I don't need a figure from the past coming in and joining him. Damn subconcious. I didn't want my first post to be such a downer, but that's what's on the brain at the moment. And it's keeping me from writing my paragraph.