No change yet

So I'm to find out today whether I have been invited to a phone interview or not. I have been checking the website since 7:00 this morning, and I have yet to see a change in status. In my heart of hearts, this tells me that I did not get it. But there is still a part of me that says "SHUT UP! You don't know we didn't get it. You're just preparing yourself for the worst because you're used to being shafted. But you keep those hopes high! We could still get an interview. And when we get on the phone, we'll blow them away!" This is the optomistic part of me, who believes that everyone has some good in them and that Santa (the person not the idea) still exists and that nothing bad could really ever permanently affect me. She usually is out for everyone to see most of the time, but sometimes, the pragmatic, practical comes out in full force. They're really battling it out in me, and I really just want to know. What do you think the non-change in status yet means?


Edit: Found out. Didn't get it. Moving on.

I love Tuesdays......NOT

So I turned in my TFA application on Thursday, after a minor freakout in which I realized why I don't take chances. I'm afraid of losing. Which is kinda sad to think about because I always thought that I was the kind of girl to take chances without worrying. But apparently I am not. SO i freaked out, scared my mother, and then submitted my application. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to find out if I am invited to have a phone interview, which will take place this weekend, and then I'll find out in two weeks if I get a real interview. Scared much? Yeah I am!

So Much, Too Much!

There is so much CRAP going on this week. First off, my Teach for America application is due on Friday. But really I'm not that worried about it anymore because I got all my written stuff donw. It just needs to be edited and I'm in business. So cross your fingers for that! Then I have the second part of my unit due tomorrow. At least I think it's due tomorrow, Steve keeps putting stuff up on Blackboard and not explaining it. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE school? Cause I hate it. With a fiery passion. Then I have to figure out how to get three shifts covered this month and FIVE shifts covered during the Christmas holidays. Because my stupid fin' manager won't let me take a leave of absence like I always have. I hate asking people to do things for me. It's annoying and it puts other people at disadvantages. I would much rather be taken off the freakin schedule like I have been the last two years. But WHATEVER! I'm supposed to be working on my assessment right now before I go to a meeting and then work, but I can't for the life of me find what all I am supposed to have! So now I have to wing it, and I HATE DOING THAT! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

What a WEEK!

So, apologies for not updating for a while. I've been crazy busy for the last week. It all started last Friday. We went out for mine and Steph's birthday, and it was crazy fun! We started at the Rio for drinks, and Zack surprised me! It was awesome! I haven't seen him in forever! and he just appeared with Austin! It was great! Then we went to Six Lounge and then to Fado's and then Jackie and I met up with her boyfriend Drew and went to Red Eye Fly to see my friend Mark's show. And my friend John, who I haven't seen in like YEARS was there!! I was sooooooooo excited. Did I mention that I had a sore throat all day? Because I did and then I yelled and I lost my voice. And it's still not back. So Saturday and Sunday were weird because I didn't have a voice. But on Sunday, we surprised Steph with a birthday brunch. She had no idea and it was soooo much fun! THEN on Monday, the day of days, I turned 23. Because we celebrated on Friday, all I did on Monday was go to dinner at the Rio. We had dinner, and they sang to me! It was so much fun! It was just a great day. Tuesday was Steph's birthday, so we had pizza and watched movies. It was good fun. And then yeah the rest of the week went by so fast, and then yesterday was Halloween! I dressed up as a wealthy gentleman, and me and Jackie and Drew went to a bunch of different parties. They were all pretty lame, but we still had fun. and our costumes were AWESOME!! Jackie was a bee and Drew was a male stripper. It was great. But now, I'm tired and we still have the rest of the weekend to get through. AND it's the Tech/Texas game. AND my Teach for America application is due next Friday. I'm scared about it, and I don't know if I am gonna be able to do it. SIGH. hope everything's good with everybody else!

Something strange is happening in Oz

Oct. 14th
So for the past three or four nights, I have been having extremely weird, creepy, bad dreams. Not bad as in wake up screaming bad, but bad as in something bad is always happening to someone in the dreams. The first night, I had a dream that my grandmother was in the hospital. The second night I had a dream that a bunch of people and I were on vaca somewhere tropical and a strange guy was beating the crap out of everyone in our condo with a baseball bat. The third night we were at the restaurant and a new kid stole my apron and my friend Austin got shot by our kitchen manager with a screw. The fourth night, my friend Catilin got sick off of soda, and my roommate's boyfriend told me I needed to read more serious books. Now looking back on these dreams, I realizethat I was really really really stressed for some weird reason.

Today Oct. 21st, 12:34 AM
I haven't had a bad dream in about a week, which is good because they seriously were starting to creep me out. But I have had a crazy two weeks, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any saner. I rode around in pastures in a rhino at 2 o'clock in the morning this weekend, went to bed at 5 and got up at 7 to drive back into Austin to go to work all day. My friend Eric, who works at the rio with me, asked me to lunch, and I had to turn him down, but now we're going this friday to lunch. I can't decide if I actually like him like him or if we're just friends. Sometimes I think it might be more, but other times I just kinda feel like he's that friend all girls have where it's flirty but it means nothing. I think that's what it is, and I think that he's just looking for someone to keep him on the right track. From what I can tell (because he keeps telling me even though I don't really want to know) he's not had a very good past. I don't know. I think that this is how the whole thing with dumb ol' Lindsay started. but I'm not sure, and I'm not looking to jump into one of those so quickly. Besides, I'm pretty sure E has a thing for our gorgeous sweet hostess. Which doesn't surprise me, but still. We'll see how Friday goes.

I talked to a couple of old friends of mine today. One because she seemed like she was going through a hard time and needed someone to chat with about it, and the other because he just needed an opening to rag me about the end of baseball season. Why is that things don't work out the way they should? Why are cogs always thrown in the wheels? I'm not a big fan of the whole messing up of people's lives. If they're meant to be together, why can't the world just let them be together? Why do they have to cut out the middle of people's lives and only give them beginnings and endings? I don't know why this post has taken such a turn. Perhaps I should go to sleep and get rid of this never-ending amount of allergies. Damn them all to hell.

Somethin' New

exciting, and not really different is going on in my life. I'm happy. Which is funny, because a week or two ago, I didn't think I was going to be happy again for a long time. But I am. I'm happy, and I'm content, for the most part. There are a few things I wish I could change, but isn't that just always the way of it? Things are going ok, not perfectly, but ok. School is super busy and annoying. Work is tiring me out, but I love the people. And I'm in Lubbock right now, visiting people. Mainly George, my precious little sister, but my aunt and uncle and cousins too. Went to the Tech game today. Third football game I have ever been to, and I have to say, the most of a nailbiter. Well done, Raiders, well done. Not so well done to my Sox. Mainly Josh Beckett. The poor guy's been havin a tough time lately, especially tonight. Sigh he is my favorite, but I don't know how much longer he's gonna be around, considering the way he was pitching tonight. I mean seriously. 8 runs in 4 1/2 innings? That's a bit much, don't you think? I should go to sleep, because I am exhausted, and we have Mass at 8 tomorrow morning. Fuuuuuun stuff ain't it? I'm excited. Oh and my birthday is in 16 days. Just a BTW :-D. I love October.

Dear You

*This entry will be written in the form of a letter, to a man who will never get it, and will never know.


I am sad. And I think you knew I was sad when you hugged me today. We were friends from the very start. I remember the first time we met. I thought "That guy is so awesome. We're gonna get along great." and we did. We laughed, we shared, we hung out. I thought there was a little something more there, maybe at Christmas. But then we didn't see each other for a long time. Months in fact. And then when I came back, it was like we were never apart. And then you moved on. We kept in touch, seeing each other once in a blue moon, mainly by my making. But everytime we hung out, no matter how mad I had been at you before, I couldn't be mad at you. I loved you. I love you. And I tried so hard not to like you. I knew it was a bad idea, and I KNEW that I would end up being hurt. Which I am. Of course. When they told me you were moving away, I didn't believe it. I wouldn't, couldn't believe it. It was simply because you were out of town. Everything would be back to normal when you came back. But then you came back, and you told me yourself. So I accepted it. But I still thought maybe something would happen the last time we hung out, when we said goodbye, something would be there. And then you dropped the bomb last night. Not only are you leaving, but you are engaged. To be married. To a girl you've known less than a month. When you hugged me tonight, I knew it was the last time we would see each other. I couldn't let go. I didn't want to let go. But I knew I needed to, because I could feel the tears coming, and I knew you (and everyone else) wouldn't know why I was crying, and I didn't want to be that girl. I let go. I will miss you more than you will ever know. I left without saying anything to you, after that, simply because I knew I couldn't stand there and watch you watch me. So here are the things I wanted to say to you, but couldn't. I love you. I will miss you. Have a safe trip, and be happy. And thank you. You have touched my life in more ways than one. Thank you for being my friend.
Love always, me.